The Four Parenting Style
Assalamualaikum and a warm welcome to everyone. First of all, I would like to thank Dato’ Sri Shahrizat Abdul Jalil, the Honorable Minister of Women and Family Development of Malaysia for joining us on this forum tonight. I’d like to thank the Chairperson as well for giving me an opportunity to lead the forum tonight and also to everyone who’d make it tonight to fill up this hall.
This week we will be discussing a topic that has been discussed by all over and over again. As we know a child’s early education begins at home. So parenting style plays a very important role in shaping a child’s personality. Based on researched, there are a few different style of parenting. I will only highlight on the main parenting style which will be The Four Parenting Style.
Why I choose The Parenting Style as for today topic, it is because a happy family starts from two persons. The two persons that I meant are the father and mother. These two persons are the root and the main key in shaping a happy family. If you spend your free time in library or in local bookstore and looking for parenting books, there will hundreds of a kind of it. However, in today’s speech, I will share with all of us here four main parenting styles. All these four styles can be found in most every parenting book.
Firstly I will elaborate on the first parenting style which is Rejecting/Neglecting Parenting Style. In this style, both parents have set a low on both love and limitations. Love means the care and the thought of a mother and father toward their children and limitations is the limits set by parent for the children. For instance, the limitation is the children need to come home from outing by 7.00 PM and choosing pool of friends. Generally, this style of parenting is well known as uncaring and inadequate to meet the children needs. Some of us will call this parenting style as uninvolved parenting or dismissing parenting. This is because the parents are neither demanding nor responsive of their children and are not interested in any feedback from them. They also usually want the children negative emotions to disappear quickly.
The second parenting style is permissive or indulgent parent. This kind of parent is usually lenient with their children needs and wants. Parents in this style of parenting usually allow a variety of behaviors by their children that some would still be described as immature by them. Permissive or indulgent style of parenting is high in love (relationship) and low on limits (discipline). Parent in this style of parenting will find difficulty in setting up a firm limits. This is why some people say this kind of parenting is inconsistent. However, this kind of parenting is not an abusive or ineffective of parenting. As long the parents know how to suit with the children needs and behaviors, this style may suit with some parents out there.
Authoritative parenting is the third style of parenting that I will talk on. These parents are like a commander in an army troops. This is where parent-to-child communication method is in use. The parents expect that the children to carry out their orders without any question asked. Authoritative parent do not welcome nor appreciate any feedback from their children. Some call this kind of parenting as traditional parenting. The children in this parenting style are live by set and defined rules by their parents. Generally, most children growing up with this kind of parenting style lives in unhappy and non harmony environment. Usually, the children in this parenting style tend to perform better in academics due to their disciplined upbringing but fail in managing their emotional feelings.
The last and the forth parenting style is the democratic or balanced parenting. The parent in this category is high on both love and limitations. This parenting style is based the democratic concept style such as trust and equality. The parent and children are in equal in terms of their dignity, needs and wants. However, the dignity in decision making and responsibility still relied more towards the parents than the children. In large families, where there are more children than adults, parent can be easily been outvoted. However, the parents still have the veto power over decision been made by the children if they think the decision is not worth for. Parent usually expects their children to act in certain manner. While expecting this kind of act from their children, the parents will not impose their authority power but they will welcome any questions from their child. The parent will demonstrate their abilities in responding to the child. A child which grown up in this style of parenting usually appeared to be more lively and their self-confidence is more developed.
For all of us here, parenting is a dynamic and ever-changing process. There will be no single best method of parenting style. It may be vary in different family or even maybe differ in parenting each one of our child. This is because parenting is like a living thing that evolves with and it is unique to the individual who employ it. Research had shown that we will parent our child as how we were parented before. But if we continue learning and keep our mind open to new approach of parenting, for sure we will parent our child in our very own way since we should know what the best is for our child. Remember our child is a gift from God that needs to be guide and coach in correct path. Before ending my speech today, let us ask ourselves which parenting style fit us, only we, as parents have the answer for it. A Wiseman said that the word family derives from the word Father and Mother I Love You.
- Dr. Edward Chan (2004). Parenting Styles. Edulink Magazine 1st Issue. Kuala Lumpur: Edulink Marketing.
- Ron Huxley (2003). Love & Limits: Achieving a Balance in Parenting. New York. Koga Page.
The speech will be delivered to all staff of Ministry of Women and Family Development of Malaysia in their Weekly Family Forum. The target audiences during this weekly forum were mainly for all staff that already has a family or going to have one soon. There will be no visual presentation to be used along with the speech as speakers are allocated only maximum of seven minutes to deliver their speech. The reason why this speech was chosen is because nowadays most parents have difficulties in parenting and managing their children.
First of all, it is very important to greet and give respect to the host. As for this week forum, the Minister herself will be present. Therefore it is very important that I convey my appreciation and respect to her first and then to the chairperson for giving me an opportunity to speak in front of the forum and lastly to all who attended the weekly forum. The opening remark will be a short one as it is only as a warm gesture in welcoming and a good way for ice breaking.
Before going further, it is very important that I explain about the topic so that audiences will get a clear picture and better understanding of the topic that I am going to talk about. After a brief explanation, then I will start with the rest of the topic.
As a new speaker who is going to speak for the first time in front of a lot of people and especially having a VIP around, having butterfly in the stomach is considered normal. Therefore, I will thorough the speech before it will be delivered to the audience. Preparing short notes and focus on the topic that will be delivered will be my methods in overcoming my nervousness. The most important of all is to practice as it is already known that practice makes perfect.
Non-verbal element plays quite significant in delivering speech. It starts from the physical appearance to emotion expression of the speaker that will be count by the audiences. As there is a saying that first impression always counts, it is important that I emphasize on my physical appearance. So I will be wearing a long sleeves shirt with a necktie as it will be the best fitment to be used as it will portray professional image on the speaker. Furthermore, as there will be a VIP in the forum, it will be good if I look presentable so that the Minister will have interest in listening to the topic that I am going to speech out.
Before delivering the speech, making short notes will be help the speaker in delivering a good and responsive session. There are several ways in making short notes. The speaker may write in all important points that will be point out during delivering the speech. Mind mapping also is well known for making short notes. As for this speech, I will be using mind mapping in making short notes for my speech.
All the four styles of parenting main point will be drawn up into a mind map. Examples of each styles of parenting also will be linked with the main parenting styles respectively. With the mind map, I may recall some important points for each style. While delivering the speech especially during delivering the important point for each style, I will raise my voice and also speak slowly. This is because the main point of each parenting style will be key point in persuading each audience in choosing the right method in parenting their child.
In ending the speech, it is good for the speaker to recap back the topic that was delivered. This is because while delivering the speech, some audience may still did not get the full picture of the topic. As for my speech, I will invite all the audience to ask themselves which of the four parenting styles suits them most since the topic that I am delivering will not determine which parenting style is the best for all parents. I will also quote from a wisdom saying before ending up my topic as I believe it is a best way to make the audience remember the topic that I speech out.
2. Prof. Dr. Ansary Ahmed et.al (2005). Open University Malaysia: English for Oral Communication . Kuala Lumpur. Utusan Publications and Distributors Sdn. Bhd.